so here goes another venting session, once again thank you tumblr :)  so i’m having another one of those what you call realizations that i have diabetes, type one that is, and that i’m different from everyone else, not exactly everyone, but most people. i feel so selfish sometimes feeling like this when i can live with it but could have something much worse then type one, like cancer or something. i look up to the kids my age younger and older who deal with terminal illnesses so much, like indescribably so much.  i feel like i dont even remember the life i had without diabetes, i dont remember not having to count carbs all the time, worrying about how much insulin to give myself, not having to worry about rather or not my blood sugar is low or high.  i miss feeling good all the time. before diabetes i always had so much energy, i was barely ever tired. maybe it’s because i’m older i don’t know, but i’m always so tired now, so tired and sometimes sick and just down. like beat down. i miss the time when i didnt have to dread  the night that i had to change my needle. i hate it so much, i literally grab onto something and grit my eth while my mom is helping me do it because i’m so scared of it hurting as  bad as it sometimes does. i dread the time when i have to completely take it out when it’s pulled out and half in and half out. i’ve never felt so much pain in my life before. it sucks knowing that i’ll have to live with this for the rest of to my life, with people relating you to their grandparents saying “ohhh, my grandma has diabets” . no one understands. no one, the only people who understand are the ones who live with it, no one understands what it’s like having to deal with needles literally up to at least ten times a day every day for the rest of your life. having to deal with being tired all the time. having to deal with feeling like youre going to pass out and not remembering what happened when you finally get your blood sugar up or down to normal. no one will know, only the ones who live with it. it sucks, it’s defiantly not easy at all. i dont really feel normal anymore, having to say “oh hey wait guys before i run or eat i have to stop and test my blood sugar” nit’s not my choice, i wish it was but it’s not. and it friggn sucks, i hate it, i hate it, i hate it so  so sooo so so much. i miss the life without diabets i want it back so bad. 

again, thanks tumblr for letting me vent :)

fallformol:

This prom dress?

where did you find thisss?!!